“God: I resent you blaming me for everything. And I do not exist to give you what you want.
Susan: Do I exist to give you what you want?”
- Angry Conversations with God, Susan E. Isaacs
That was from a book about Susan …and her angry conversations with God. Duh. Hehe. Well, in this case, these were Susan’s imaginary conversations with God, based on her issues-influenced perception of God.
The title and the cover design convinced me to buy this book. Maybe also because somehow, I’m awed by the audacity of someone who actually dared have an angry conversation with God and sought for the truth. ( Coz it’s not enough to just be angry at God and leave it at that. That would turn you rotten. Don’t stop at you anger or hurt. Seek the truth. Seek God. )
Anyway, I’m not yet done with the book. Maybe by the end of it, Susan would have a better understanding of God. I’m excited to go through her journey of settling her issues with Him.
Now about my real topic -
I just had to pause and put the book down after reading what I just quoted. I mimicked Susan’s question and asked God myself. “Do I exist to give you what you want?” I noticed that there was a slight tone of hurt in my voice.
Now, I can give you a church-canned answer for my question. I was made to worship God. That’s my core purpose. My highest calling. Once we’ve made a decision to make God the Lord of our lives, that equates to living for Him.
That’s all the answers I know. Maybe God has other answers. Still, even if I base it on my church-canned answers, I think it’s still a ‘NO.’ I don’t exist to give God what He wants.
For one thing, God wants an abundant life for me and not a mere existence. Another, that question, in the way it was structured, just makes the person asked seem like a detached, bratty, selfish slave driver. All of those adjectives and the noun aren’t God. Yes, I was made to worship and live for Him but those don’t equate to existing to give God what He wants. It may sound like the simplified statement, but it’s a statement void of salt and flavor, that if based on the prior one, then it’s no longer true. Gets? Meaning, it’s oversimplified that it’s not true anymore, and it doesn’t capture the heart of the message anymore. (Just like some Bible translations.)
See, I could reason out an answer, but why did those words pop out from the book and prick me like a needle? It reflected something in my heart. I had my own issues too about the concept of a detached God who was only concerned about what I did for Him. He didn’t really care about me.
It felt like a question that God wanted me to ask because God wanted to answer me personally. I’ll wait for what He has to say about that. Once I’ve found out, I’ll write an update.
On the other hand, God told Susan that He didn’t exist to give her what she wanted. I’m guilty of that sometimes - treating God like a genie (and yet there I was being hurt at the thought of Him treating me as such.) There were times when I asked from God and got mad at Him when He didn’t deliver. I’m the one being selfish and bratty.
All I know is a personal relationship with God goes deep, and is far from a mutual-be-my-genie understanding. God is not a detached Lord and “Your wish is my command” was NEVER His tagline.